Tools of Emotional Abuse
Constantly making you feel inferior, trying to correct/change you in most things. They make you feel that you won’t be able to survive without them. It is the art of intimidation where you don’t let the person think on their own.
Your voice gets suppressed under theirs without even knowing. You wouldn’t realise that most of your decisions- starting from your dinner to your clothes to everything is being decided by them. They derive pleasure out of it.
They Single You Out
These things happen in relationships. One of the partners asks the other to stay away from their friends because ‘they are not good’. They try to constantly show you how everyone is being wrong to you.
“Do not talk to other girls/do not talk to other boys.” “Would you choose me or your friends?” This is a classic abuser.
This is another kind of manipulation. But it finally leads you to be very dependent on them emotionally. An ideal friend/partner would be the one who’d give them your opinions when asked, give only suggestions and let you make their decision.
They are insecure hence they seek attention, they crave for it. It hurts them the most if you are happy without them, even if that is temporary. They throw tantrums for absolutely absurd reasons and are unreasonable. Most beautiful are the people who are happy to see us happy, even if they are not a part of our happiness.
Everyone goes through phases where they are victimised, they face issues but abusers are different. Abusers are always the victims.
That’s also because at times genuine victims themselves become abusers.
Even in the most unrelated, irrelevant scenario; they will bring everything back to themselves and show how they suffer the most. That’s why it is also difficult to argue with them. When they are not in question, they bring a pseudo-moral compass to mention how the world is immoral, wrong and unfair (while it is to everyone else) while they are just being good human beings.
Being Utterly Selfish and Never Sorry
They behave irresponsibly and selfishly when you need them the most. It is always about their mood, their time and what they wish to do. At times when confronted, they might apologise for being selfish but it is a subconscious trait that never changes.
But Why Do We Suck Up to Our Abusers?
When they are so ridiculous; when it kills us to be around them, why do we not ask them:
“Everyone around is in a relationship, everyone has so many friend groups, I don’t want to go through a heartbreak, I don’t want to be alone.”