It is a rather unfortunate scenario where you find it difficult to communicate in your own home. But it happens. Out of all of them, the most difficult to deal with can be a fight with your Mom. The tussle is more damaging because a major part of your day (and life) involves her.
You sleep with a heavy feeling in your chest and you might wake up fresh, perhaps in an illusion that it will be one of those normal mornings where you go around the house to find Mom and just when you find her- you tuck yourself into her and plant a kiss on her forehead.
But your face drops when you realise it is not – one of those days. You can’t be so quickly back on talking terms. You realise that no one else in the house seems to be bothered by this cold war. It’s just Mom and you; and the conversation, reasoning and rationalizing that you both are hallucinating within yourselves. There are tears.
At times, you are thinking of ways to bump into each other and perhaps strike a conversation. Like the barren earth, needs the first rains to transform itself into a wonderland, you just need one conversation. That one moment, however awkward, graced with a few words, will be all, and enough. And both the characters of the story will get back to their work with a sigh of relief.
While we know that this cold war is never permanent, it drains you out completely. Both Mom and the child are incomplete without each other. Just like it gets difficult when one or both step into each other’s line and make nasty comments. Nevertheless, the fights do act as a catharsis. Once it is all out, a person feels lighter. Catharsis acts like the first rain after a drought. It doesn’t bring the temperature down drastically, but it makes everything better. People seem happier, accidents on the roads reduce because people get their relief.
When things are even more intense, you try to pen down your thoughts- primarily to calm yourself down- and if it is good enough, you manage to place it in her cupboard or something. And pray that it works.
Towards the end, it’s a desperate situation. There are so many things happening that you wish to share but can not, must not and would not, until the ice breaks.
But do you know what is the most ironic thing about these fights? It’s that the Mom still plays the role of the care-taker. She still makes your food (she might not serve it but sure makes it)- your share of rotis, marked out separately. While the child just has to maintain the status quo, of not talking. This is one of the most beautiful lopsided relationship, ever. Hence, my love for this quote:
“Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” -Elizabeth Stone
No, it’s not Mother’s Day today. So what?