The Other Angle: Let’s Talk Female Sexuality

Am I really writing this? Do I want to publish this? Is this necessary? Yes. Yes. Yes. Always Yes to Female Sexuality.

During college, I remember a meaty gossip about this otherwise bubbly-happy-go-lucky girl’s adolescence phase. She came from a small town (smaller than Ahmedabad) and had done a kaand there. ‘Kaand‘ is a Hindi word which generally means an incident but colloquially it is used more for sexual activities. This girl was said to have been found in a closed room (apparently making out) with a classmate. And it had come in the papers (with the name changed) yet it had brought her a lot bad name in her town.

Self-acclaimed moralists would put questions on ‘how could she even think of such a thing at that age’. She was 16 or 18. I regret not objecting and playing along this gossip then.

The fact here is that she was rather unfortunate to have been caught in the act. Boys begin thinking, talking about sex, masturbation and porn at least from the 8th standard. But I don’t remember even a single conversation with my girlfriends about sexuality.

F****e M*******tion is just how this looks. It is non-existent. I believe it starts primarily from the point where we are taught that our vagina is dirty, that we must not touch it come what may. I don’t know if guys are taught a similar thing about their penis but it doesn’t appear so from the general public view of men scratching their balls all the time. One of my friends (guy) who had lived in both Delhi and Ahmedabad, had noticed that men in Delhi put their hands on their crotch (in public) much more often than men in Ahmedabad. I don’t know what to do with that piece of information. It is not like we don’t get itches down there.But we are taught to control- our piss, our itch, our sexual needs- control! We have sort of very weird problems you know. And a moody one.

Somedays it is just too wet to handle, other days it is itchy-smelly and of course the queen days when it is normal. The days we are constantly on the road, are the toughest because the road toilets suck- and they invite infections in both ways- if you don’t go or you go. Somedays it bleeds. That’s okay, that’s a part of life.

And Female masturbation is a thing! If they don’t let you lock your room door for too long (because oh, I don’t understand why does she have to lock the door! dude, she’s an adult! Give her space!), try the bathroom. When I wrote my first (apparently scandalising) poem about self-love, I got more applauds than any swearing. It was truly empowering and remains as my most special creation.

Your fingers go lower,

To the most special part.

You never tried to make it happy,

As you always wanted love from others.

You never mastered the Art.

Because of this attached perception of the vagina being dirty dirty, most women go through all their lives without taking a proper look at their vagina. It is actually something that you must take a mirror and have a look once in a while if everything is fine if something needs help or just to say hi. It is your choice to keep it all clear or bushy (too bushy is not good for its health). But at least have a look at it, touch it once in a while! (By the way most common mistake: It is called pubic hair and not public hair.) Out of the most regrettable things that I have done, it has to be out using one of those Clean, Dry, Gentle V Wash things. Your V needs no special wash by the way. All it needs is normal bathing, cleaning and drying. You may use some baby powder once in a while but that’s it.Wear pure cotton panties in those days. On the wet days, use a panty liner (from the chemist shop).  Panty liner is like a small sister version of a pad. It absorbs the wet discharge and makes sure your panty doesn’t stay wet all day, helping in avoiding chances of bacterial infection. (But by the way, infections down there are very normal. Don’t be ashamed to see a trusted gynaec who tells you it will be fine, and that is all normal.) Look at this really essential article about f***** m*******tion.  

British Condoms has developed a new “smart condom” that they tout as the “future of wearable technology in the bedroom”. Funny? Not enough. The Ladies Finger did a witty, quick survey on Twitter on what women would want in a “smart condom” and the results were hilarious.

Interestingly, this week AIB also released a video on A Woman’s Besties. Finally, something from AIB which is focused on women. It is hilariously true but hasn’t got viral yet. Obviously because ‘shame shame’. Have a look at it and share it: Secretly, Publicly, whatever!

Every once in a while, we see surveys on how 89% of women have faked their orgasm during sex-newspapers, online mags, everywhere- and we roll our eyes secretly in agreement. More or less the figure is always above 50, and this is actually an issue. A very big one. What the hell! When such things are noticed in places like the US, they come up with solutions like OMGYES– which is a visual and audio version of the art of getting an orgasm through masturbation shown by real women in their natural naked self, for which there are no protests, no one gets killed and these women are not shamed. It is treated like one of the best and intimate sex-ed resources. It is not entirely free, one needs to sign up for the free videos and pay for the paid ones. The two co-founders interviewed 1000 women to understand how they liked to be touched and saw patterns that needed to be shared with, for a better orgasmic world for women out there. It is accessible to everyone around the world, except of course some countries. But India is far, far, far away from embracing sexuality to this dangerously beautiful and empowering extent.

Apart from the fact that sex always has connotations of the woman satisfying a man, and women feeling that the man’s orgasm gets a higher priority- a woman not knowing what gives her pleasure is also a big problem. She needs to know her patterns and what helps her reach an orgasm. And then, of course, she needs a space to direct her partner to that point.

Sexuality needs more talk. And Love. And Talk. And Love.


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