Short-Funny-Beautiful: Quotes from ‘Seriously…I’m Kidding’ (Book)


Let’s cut the crap and get to the quotes first. I finished this book last week and she’s seriously kidding, this woman, Ellen Degeneres, is pretty hilarious. I have seen her shows and have always respected her for her attempts to make people smile.

There are some funny-beautiful quotes I liked from the bookmarked on my Kindle. Thought to make a collection of it here:



“To me, beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It’s about knowing and accepting who you are. I am happy being who I am. I’m confident, I live honestly and truthfully and I think that’s why I was chosen as the first fifty-year old, openly gay CoverGirl.”


“How come when you wipe up the dust it’s called dusting but when you wipe up a spill it’s not called spilling? There’s something to think about.”


“Let’s try and pay more attention to what’s around us. Look up. Look down- if only so you don’t trip. Ask questions. You know how kids ask “why?” Ask why. Then ask why again. And then ask why again.  And then ask why again. And then ask why again. And then ask why again. And then ask why again. And then ask why again. Don’t stop asking why until you get the answer you’re looking for. Or until you’re escorted away by security, whichever comes first.”


“I can tell when people are lying to me when they start a sentence with “I have to be honest with you.” I almost go like, “No, no. Please. Only lies right now.” “


“You have your family, your friends, your family’s friends, your friends’ families. everyone at work. And all those people get nicer and nicer around the holidays and be extra helpful, so that you get them gifts. “Do you need anything else, Mrs. DeGeneres? Can I shine your shoes for you?” And I’am always like, “Don’t be silly, You should be doing that anyway.”


“No matter what, you’re going to forget someone who didn’t forget you. Here’s how to deal with it. “I got you something special also. Wanna know what it is? Come here. Come a little closer. A little closer. Closer still. One more step toward me. I got you a hug.” And then you squeeze them real tight until you think you’ve squeezed out all of the disappointment.”


“Sleep-eating is fascinating to me. People get up in the middle of the night and start eating things they find around the house- sometimes things that aren’t even edible. And they have absolutely no memory of it until they wake up the next morning and find the remnants of a half-eaten sofa in their great room.”


“There are ‘well-known secrets’ out there and there are people who are ‘so happy they could die’. Sometimes people are so sad they have to laugh and sometimes things feel so wrong, they’re right. Basically what I’m saying is, I usually don’t know what people are talking about.”


“Help someone who’s trying to help up. Just help. Show that you care. Say yes instead of no. Smile. Make eye contact. Huh. Kis.. Get naked. Laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. People will say, ” I can’t tell if that person is laughing or crying but either way they seem crazy, let’s walk faster.” Emote. It’s okay. It shows you are thinking and feeling.”



Read it. It’s fun. Ping me if you want an ebook. Seriously, there’s nothing more I can do right now to make you laugh. Seriously….Just Kidding. Smile.



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